The Butterfly

Ten years ago today I was on a cross country flight from Monterey, California to Laguardia. After an 11 day vigil, my 14 year old cousin Emily, earned her butterfly wings. If you are one of my dedicated readers you know how special Fishers Island is to me. We had just been there for our eldest cousin's wedding and for our month long July stay. Shark was pitching in Knoxville, I was working at Sotheby's in Manhattan, life was easy! Emily's horseback riding accident changed my life FOREVER. In ways that are so obvious and in deep dark ways that are unforgettable.
The days we spent together that August seem like just yesterday and then seem so long ago at the same time...eerie. There is strength in numbers though and the Grey Gulls girls bonded together and paid tribute. You have to remember that ten years ago the internet was boosting web-rings as a major form of communication. Kate the Great got online and emailed a woman about getting some butterflies to release at the cemetary. While we were out running errands the woman called Kate's cell to confirm. For some unknown reason Kate asked this kind soul where she was calling from. The woman promptly answered, "Springfield, Mass." Emily died at a hospital in Springfield, Mass, she was taken there by helicopter. We didn't know ANYONE there. This was the first of many amazing signs that Emily was still with us. And I know today she still is.
My heart breaks when I think of all the things we havent shared. I always planned on Emily being a bridesmaid at our wedding, a godmother to our sons, a constant in my life. And I will tell you that she is a constant in my life. The memories, the hopes, and the dreams are all still here. She is just there. In every butterfly that passes she is there.
I missed you extra today. I ran through all the movies of you in my mind today. I wept as I looked at my boys today, imaging your parents agony, and I called my sisters today, wishing your brothers had you to call. Mom texted me a photo of a butterfly at Fishers this morning, I know it was you. And Dad sent me a text and mistyped using WTF instead of ETD, and I know that was you too. Have fun tonight with Gram, we miss you both too much. See you in my dreams.
With love, The Zookeeper